Rules of Engagement

I have seen this post circling around Pinterest for quite some time now... it is usually posted with a different picture, a giant ring, a guy proposing... etc. The text is always the same...


 *Rules of engagement: 1. Ask my father's permission 2. Make it a surprise 3. Get down on one knee with this ring 4. Use my full name 5. Make sure my nails are done 6. Have it photographed*



Every time I see this, it makes me sick. In fact, I have my own rules of engagement so Dan, listen up.


1. Don't ask my father's permission. You know he would tell you go for it. If you haven't gotten to know my father by now than maybe you shouldn't propose. He would never require his permission. He knows that it's my life, and it is my choice. My permission is all that you should need.

2. It's almost inevitable to have it be a surprise. Unless you tell me "hey, I'm probably going to propose to you tomorrow" it will be a surprise. So that rule is stupid. Stupid rule. Go home.

3. In the text above when it said "Get down on one knee with this ring" there was of course a huge gaudy ring that costs thousands upon thousands of dollars. Yeah, it's okay to dream girls. But if you are constantly flashing pictures of rings like this to your boyfriend, do you really think it's going to make him want to propose? If anything, it will help him realize how materialistic you are. To Dan, you know that whatever you get me I will love. I don't care about the size of the ring or how much it costs, as long as it comes from you.

4. You don't need to use my full name. There are a lot of palato-alveolar affricates in my full name (or at least it seems like it, there's a lot going on in there). It can get to be a mouthful. Just Toni is fine.

5. OH MY GOD THIS ONE BUGS ME THE MOST!!! Make sure my nails are done??? Pardon my french, but F!@#* THAT!! If you seriously WAIT until AFTER my nails are done to propose to me I'll punch you in the penis.

6. You don't have to have it photographed. Although it would be kind of cool to look back at a photo of that moment and remember it, it isn't a necessity to me. It should really be a moment that is just between you and me. I don't want some creeper stalking us in the bushes trying to capture the moment.

I also have some additional rules, and these aren't too much to ask.

7. Don't propose to me on my Birthday, or any other holiday. I think it would be fun to turn a random date into one that would mean something to us for the rest of our lives.

8. You know I'm a generally a private person (aside from this blog... right?), I would rather this "special moment" be between just you and me... not a theater-full of people, or a restaurant full of people or anything like that.

9. You don't have to have some speech planned, we have been together for almost 5 years now, and have lived together for the majority of those years. I know how you feel about me, so don't get worked up over what you will say or how you will say it. I'll get the picture either way!

10. When it comes down to it, these are all more like "guidelines" rather than rules. I don't care if you break all of them or listen to them all! Know that no matter what you do, I will be the happiest person on earth. <3

Probably another good idea.... don't propose to me in a place where if I drop the ring, it's gone forever, like a bridge. Or in a boat. Or on a cliff.

I trust that you are a better speller than this guy.

Yeah. This probably isn't a good idea either. 

I have no words.

Nooooooope.

THIS IS SO NOT OKAY!

Doing it on Twitter is not okay either.

And that is a win if I ever saw one.